This weekend, a new life starts. It's me and my Bean living in NYC. My partner leaves and I am left to clear up my mess and the wreckage of the last ten years of my life - seven years living with him and the three leading up to that decision. He's leaving with a few boxes and a couple of bags. I get to clear out a dirty hoarders apartment full of crap, unopened mail, unwanted, discarded belongings; and all the crap I have bought, picked-up and been "gifted" these last years - stuffing a New York City apartment until it is heaving, groaning, trying to fill and stuff the massive black hole that sat in the middle of our relationship.
Last night I found in a drawer of clothes, a necklace that I bought around the birth of my daughter - a freshwater pearl in a silver wire pod - my pea, my bean, my Beany. I grabbed it last night and put it on to remind me that it's all about me and my girl now; and I get this incredible opportunity to create a safe and happy life for us and I don't want to screw it up.
I dyed my hair too - gone is the weak, tired mix of strawberry blonde, bleach blonde, dishwater brown and grey hair. In it's place a dark magenta brown has arrived. It tells the world "Here I am. Here I am and I am staying. No more unwanted advice, criticism and judgement. No more being told everything I do, say and think is wrong. No more clutter. No more excess of stuff.
I'll be picking up my daughter from day-care starting Monday, so it's my last day where I can hide out late at work, scouring the Internet, avoiding going home, to the mess and the hurt and the accusations. Determined to acknowledge my new start as a single Mom this weekend, I've finally started to blog; and I am dreading this last weekend, dancing around piles of dirty clothes, papers and an angry ex. I'll let you know how it goes............
